When will this,at last, consume me?
by Kuro.Lunette14
Summary: Zero had been told he had no life so many times. Now he had a plan and he would make something of himself. But that plan didn't include a handsome vampire only a one night stand and his own baby to care for. How could his plan change so much? KanaZero
1. Chapter 1

When will this, at last, consume me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, but I can dream.

Warnings: KanaZero, Yaoi, Mpreg, Cross-dressing, OCs, No VK CharaterxOC, AU.

A/N: This chapter will most likely just be glazes and the story-telling of Zero's live, the actual story begins next chapter. Kaname is still a pureblood vampire but Zero and Takuma are humans. There are no Vampire Hunters. In this universe it is natural for males to have babies and to dress as women if they want to. Ichiru is going to be three years younger than Zero with blue eyes.

Farther Warnings: Their will be mentions of suicide and domestic violence. Since the beginning are just flash backs in points of Zero's life.

_Flashback/Glazes/Story-telling_

_As soon as the sliver haired nine year old heard the yelling coming of his father, he grabbed the small hand of his five year old brother pulling him into his room. The younger Silverette trembled slightly not really understanding._

"_Zero..." he called. _

_The older Silverette named Zero didn't answered just merely walked to the closet in his younger brother's room, throw it open, pushing his brother inside. "Ichiru, stay here until I come get you." Zero ordered before closing the door, locking his brother inside._

_After what felt like hours his brother come, eyes red, hair wet, clothes soaked, shaking slightly from the cold, again._

_Zero yelled trying to get his father's attention away from his mother. He screamed at his father to stop, crying and sobbing loudly. Even though the boy knew what would happen. Fear coursed through the Silverette's body as his father stacked towards him, yelling at him to stop crying, to shut up. As his father fisted his hair pulling at it and shaking him, his mother moved to stop him only to be thrown to the wall. Her bottom lip spilt her nose bleeding and her right eye swollen._

_With the grip on his silver hair, Zero's father dragged him into the bathroom as he continued crying and sobbing. When his father got to the tub the man pushed Zero inside not releasing his hold and using his other hand to turn the knob making freezing cold water fall from the showerhead above. The nine year old cried and sobbed louder, completely frighten. The man continued yelling at him to shut up, Zero's hand gripped at his father's arm trying to get him to release him. _

_Only when he manage to stop his crying, was the water turned off. His father taking him in an embrace whispering how sorry he was, how it was only for his good, how much he loved him. Zero let himself fell for those lies, wanting to believe, loving his father to much not to. Even though he knew it would happen again, just like it had before._

_The reason Zero always believed those lies was because it wasn't always like this he spend time with his father when he was with the man's friends, while they drunk, he played around in the grass sometimes having Ichiru with him._

_His father always told him he was his special one because he was born first and he loved him the most. Zero took satisfaction in that even if later he was called stupid or useless, while being smacked in the back of the head when he accidently dropped something or did something wrong. Even when he would hide in the brushes in their neighbor's yard, afraid of his father's anger. It was alright because his father never hit him besides the smacks to the head and the tugs of the hair because he loved Zero the most._

_Though it is said bruises and broken bones will heal, but word will always stay and scar._

_Their father never really when out with them as a family and if he did it was always the Carrousel Mall named after the Mary-go-around in the middle of the mall that had always been in his childhood, but even if he was never their they always had what they needed. He tried to buy them with material things and it could only work for so long after thirteen years of misery, with Zero at age eleven and Ichiru at eight, their mother Ame back their bags and left to never return, while Ichiru was bitter, Zero understood no matter how much he loved his father, he was happy to leave. It was for the best, for Zero had grown bitter towards his father to the point where he promised to kill him and wished him dead. His father cursed his mother saying that she could not survive with us on her own, that she would come crawling back._

_They stayed from friend's house to friend's house until a man who Zero's and Ichiru's mother had given a chance had helped them rent a small apartment that was a bedroom with a kitchen and bathroom. After a while their mother decided to move in with him and they had gotten a larger place. They got along at first but things change and Zero and Ame's boyfriend couldn't get along. With the birth of Kikyo, their new sister they tried to get along with each other, if this was what his mother wanted, what made her happy, and then he would deal. _

_Around the age of fifteen it was when things started to go wrong, little by little Zero started to get addicted to Pain-relievers. At first it just started with one and then two to four then six to eight. Those nights he took them he wished he won't wake up and every morning he did he couldn't but cry in anger. During this addiction he had started he found out that his mother was pregnant again this time with a boy. When she was about three months along they separated from her boyfriend and Zero had to take his place helping the best he could, temporary stopping his addiction, which turned out to be the worst mistake._

_- When his new baby brother was two weeks from being born, Zero took his very first real overdose to end his life on Ichiru's birthday which only managed to leave him drugged and landed him in a behavior hospital for three days. After that he managed to last three months, to the day of his birthday where he tried to split his head open with a vase. That time he couldn't ever regret it for he found his first real companion, for had always been a loner, he met Takuma Ichijou who at first Zero had ignored but who he had then become inseparable with when Takuma kept insisting. They spend their time together making bracelets and finger paintings for each other. They would always sit together to eat and in groups, when Takuma would cry Zero tried to comfort him. _

_Since that time they would always text each other, calling the other when they needed someone to talk to. Takuma was the only companion Zero believed wouldn't ever hurt him, he had had many disappointments before. That was why he refused to call him friend because all his before best friends forever had hurt him. On their next birthday which they shared except for Takuma being one year older, Zero went to visit Takuma from had stayed with him three days. The first thing they did was go eat but they ended not eating because they had gotten lost in talking, Zero loved the way how Takuma took the words from his mouth, he understood perfectly how he felt. -_

_Since the time they met by then Zero's mom had gotten back with her boyfriend and they lived 12 hours away from each other but before that both Takuma and Zero had been in a hospital again this time separately. He hated that very much he wanted to be there for Takuma. _

_By the time it was five months for Zero to be eighteen Zero had been in the hospital again this time had been to Death's doorstep. He had taken over one hundred thirty pills. He had gone to a Human resources center and an ambulance had come to get him. It had been ten in the morning then and the hospital hadn't believed him. They had sent him to a behavior hospital only to send him back at one in the morning when he had gotten worst. He had stayed in the critical floor in the hospital for three day. That night had been the worst in his life, he never wanted to feel the pain he had felt that night again. He had felt so stupid after and he grown afraid of death. He had been in that behavior center for fifteen days it had been torture. He had grown close to Kikyo and his littlest brother Ryou from babysitting them constantly, even if the stress of caring for them was one of the things that had caused him to make this suicidal attempt. All they said was that he was only seventeen and that he needed a life other than caring for his siblings._

_When he had been out for a month and had gotten use to his sixth therapist, he had had therapists since he was twelfth and kept going and stopping and returning. He went to find acquaintance that he had from when he had stopped going to school in the ninth grade and had gone to the after school class to get credits. His name was Hitachi, an eighteen year old with long raven curly hair and dark brown eyes, he was outgoing and friendly. Though he had been nervous at first to talk to him but then found it easy to talk to each other and Zero was even able to share his past with him and had listen when Hitachi had told him his. The two things both he and Hitachi had in common were that they both babysitted constantly and they both shared the same desire for a child of their own. _

_That didn't last long Ame's boyfriend started to drink constantly and they argued and fought all the time though only verbally. Zero would lock himself in the room with the music on loud at these times he was tired of the screaming he no longer tried to protect Ichiru there was no point it seem now Ichiru hated him they're relationship was at the worst and Zero couldn't take much of that, it hurt him that the person he loved the most despised him and insulted him that he wished he had died those times he had tried to kill himself. _

_The exact day of Zero's and Takuma's birthday, they all except Ame's boyfriend, went back to where they had come from originally, where they had family. There he was only three hours away from Takuma, but to visit him he needed someone to take him, he had yet to learn how to drive. He had plans he had made with Takuma and he planned to complete them. _

_The new apartment they moved to was a two bedroom one, with no job Ame had trouble paying for it. While Ame tried to find a job Zero would babysit Kikyo five and Ryou two and that was what he did almost every day in the morning and noon except sometimes having Monday to himself._

_His afternoons he spend with his cousin Yatsumi Hazuki twenty, they had always spend time together since they were small and every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's was spend at Yatsumi's house for as long as he could remember. Yatsumi was slim, slightly tan skinned with long really curly black hair and medium brown eyes. _

_Every afternoon he came over and they would take sometimes about serious things other times of things like beds and childhood stories. They both were tired of living like this and they felt caged. Yatsumi and Zero wanted to work but they couldn't look for jobs when the only place they were allow to go where the small shopping center around the corner where they lived. Since they lived right in front of each other, they went to each other to ease the borement that they had as life. All Yatsumi had was chatting and texting. All Zero had was burying himself in books that had become his life and addiction to ignore the real life, by burying himself in the stories he readed. _

_Something Yatsumi understand very well was the feelings of having a bad relationship with your little brother since he had a little brother named Arashi. Arashi had once had a twin named Atsushi but Atsushi had died two years ago. Arashi and Atsushi had been born on the same day as Ichiru only a year later. They had always followed Ichiru's lead in their childhood but now Ichiru was fourteen and Arashi thirteen. He knew the pain of fighting with them and trying to protect them from doing anything wrong, how hard it was to hold back and let them make their own mistakes. _

_Something else Yatsumi understood was the need for their very own little balls of hope, just for them to care for. _

_But Zero wasn't going to stay like this, he refused to. Moving back to this place he promised to make something of himself and he had it all planned out. _


	2. Chapter 2

When will this, at last, consume me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, but I can dream.

Warnings: KanaZero, Yaoi, Mpreg, Cross-dressing, OCs, No VK CharaterxOC, AU.

A/N: Thank you for your reviews, krIsh4, SilverERose (), and ben4kevin.

Chapter two

Zero sat on a stool at the bar in the night club watching the people around him. It had always been a favorite of his past times to watch people around. Even after four years now at age 21 that hadn't change but the rest of his life had, he had become independent. He now lived with Yatsumi, Takuma and His little sister Kikyo. For him only one more thing for missing.

When Yatsumi had reached age twenty one they had enough, they had secretly walked blocks and blocks applying at any place they could. In the end they had gotten a job at their favorite restaurant's new location only a block away. With their jobs set Yatsumi had managed to finally passed the test to get his high school diploma and Zero had been able to pay for his G.E.D test, after months of studying he was able to past it. After a year of working Yatsumi and Zero rented a four bedroom house inviting Takuma who gladly accepted to live with them, and Zero took Kikyo along. They split the rent to be able to pay it.

Now, Takuma worked at a Fashion store a mall and went to college in the morning, still no having decided what to study. Yatsumi worked at Hot Topic in the same mall as Takuma and had a three year old son, Szayel. He only saw Szayel's father when it involved his son. As for Zero he had gotten a diploma in business and worked as a Personal Assistant. He took care of Kikyo who was now eight and in the First grade. Kikyo had grown to have black slightly curly hip length hair and blue eyes. Her skin was neither pale nor dark, and she was skinny, the kind no matter how much you eat you don't get fat, skinny. They would often visit their family for Zero could not last long without seeing Ryou who was five and half way through Preschool. Ryou had light dark brown hair that almost looked black. It curled around his neck in layers and bangs mostly covered his blue eyes. His skin was pale but not as pale as Zero's.

As for Yatsumi he looked exactly the same though his hair had gotten slightly longer. Szayel had spiked black hair and his mother's medium brown eyes, his skin light tan. The only change with Takuma was that his blond hair had grown to the middle of his back, while Zero's had grown to his bottom.

As he took a sip of his drink Yatsumi came into view, once he reached him he took a seat beside him. He watched Yatsumi text, not once did Yatsumi looked away from his phone. Some things just never changed, there wasn't a moment that you didn't find Yatsumi texting, especially with his so-called boyfriend Jesus who lived five states away. Yatsumi had known him since he was sixteen.

After sending the text message Yatsumi turned to look at Zero. "Zero"

"Yeah "Zero answered placing his drink on the bar table behind him.

"Are we going to Vegas to celebrate our twenty first birthdays or what?"

"We are. I just don't know when, but sometime this month for sure. I think we have enough saved now"

Yatsumi sighed. "It better be soon I really want to go." they both turned their stools around to face the bar. Yatsumi placed his phone on the table.

"Yatsumi I've been thinking and I think it's time I did Step Thirteen in My Life Plan I have already done." Zero took out a sheet of paper from his back pocket and started to read out loud to Yatsumi the things that were crossed out.

Step One: Get a Job

Step Two: Get G.E.D

Step Three: Learn how to drive

Step Four: Get a Car

Step Five: Move out and rent a place with Yatsumi and Takuma, take Kikyo along

Step Six: Go to collage

Step Seven: Learn to sew

Step Eight: Cosplay Itachi Uchiha, and Yatsumi as Hinata Hyuuga unwillingly

Step Nine: Attend a Yaoi-Con

Step Ten: Start career

Step Eleven: Go on a Japanese Yaoi Tour

Step Twelve: Go to Las Vegas to celebrate our twenty first birthdays

"That's being done this month. Now Step Thirteen: Have my own little ball of hope to care for, Baby Nnoitra/Lunette." Zero frowned, staring intensely at the list. "I just don't know which pl-"

"I know, I know. Which plan to use." Yatsumi sighed dramatically interrupting Zero. Taking a deep breath he started to recite what he knew by memory. "Plan A: Get an insemi-whatever, Plan B: Get a temporary boyfriend in another state and break up with him as soon as you find out your pregnant, Plan C: Have a one night stand, also in another state and hope you end up pregnant." Yatsumi took Zero's drink, drinking the whole thing. "Do you know how many times I have heard those words the last four years? More than a million times. How come you don't annoy Takuma as you do me, huh? I swear you do it just to bother me."

Zero grinned at how true that was. "Taku-koishii is special and I've known you for life"

Just as Yatsumi was about to reply his phone vibrated, which had him in no time texting again. "I'm talking to this old friend of mine who is twenty who had her first kid when she was sixteen and she's about to have her fifth child."

"God is she trying to make a soccer team or what."

Yatsumi ignored Zero's comment and continued. "So she like 'I'm tired of getting pregnant every year so I'm getting my tubes tied' and this other girl's like 'why don't you tell your man to get neuter' and she like 'He's too scared'. What exactly does that mean? Do they get their balls cut off or something?"

Zero couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Are you really asking me? That's so stupid" he said between laughs. Once Yatsumi realized what he had said he started laughing. Both of them roared in laughter.

After a while they managed to get a hold of themselves. Zero chuckled "Really I can't believe you asked me. I may read Yaoi every day and Mpreg sometimes but they never had that problem. I only know what castrate means"

"I thought that was what it meant since you know they do that to dogs so they won't make more puppies." Both of them shivered.

"Really? I don't think a man would ever do that but if I had to guess I'll say that it was something familiar to a woman getting her tubes tied" Zero shrugged, a thinking look on his face.

"What does that mean? How does a woman get her tubes tied? " Yatsumi tilted his head to the side trying to comprehend.

Zero shrugged again. "I think they make this cut somewhere around her hip area and they tied the tubes from the inside, that's just my guess"

"So, how would a man get neutered? Google it."

Zero made a look of disgust. He may Google everything but he wasn't going to Google something like that. " I ain't gonna Google that, but my guess is they would get this operation that would get the baby making cells or sperm, whatever there called to stop coming out"

"So semen wouldn't come out any more?"

"No, I think something would still come. What would be the used of it if it didn't?"

"Aren't semen and sperm the same thing?"

A thoughtful look filled Zero's face. "No, I don't know, I don't think so. I think sperm is the baby making thing and semen is the liquid or whatever that comes out"

"So even if they got neutered something would still come out"

"I guess. I wouldn't know whenever I read Mpreg fanfiction they never really have that problem. All I know is what castrate means cuz they are always screaming that at the baby's daddy when they are giving birth ...cuz they're in pain you know"

"Yeah... what does that mean?"

"What, castrate?"

"Yeah"

"Um, that they cut off their you know what."

"Eww, really?"

"Yeah"

Both of them sat in silent before Yatsumi decided to break it.

"...Oh my god, we're having one of those weird conversions again."

"Oh yeah dude, we are."

"How the hell did we even get here?"

"I don't know I for-... oh wait, yeah it start with that friend of yours that is twenty one and wants to have her tubes tied."

"Yeah, you're right"

"Yup"

"Let's go dance the night on before we start another weird conversion."

"Sure thing"

* * *

><p>The next week was spend making preparation for their trip to Vegas where they would be celebrating all of their 21st birthdays even if they had already pasted for Takuma and Yatsumi. In the end it was decide that Zero would drive to Las Vegas since he was used to driving from California to Utah every time they went to visit Hitachi besides Zero loved Road trips even if his ass always ended up sore in the end. Hitachi would be joining them as well, he would be taking the bus to Vegas and as for Takuma, he had decided to join them. They had left Szayel with Yatsumi's mother and Kikyo was with Ame.<p>

Before they knew they were on the road, but unknown to Zero was that more than one thing were going to be crossed off his list.


End file.
